How to take a Punch
Psalm 141:5b
Psalm 141:5b
I
want to start by reading Psalm 141:5.
Listen to David’s words, “Let a righteous man strike me – it is a
kindness; let him rebuke me – it is oil on my head. My head will not refuse it.”
Our
sermon today is titled, “How to Take a
Punch”. What we mean by this title
is how we take it when someone comes to us with a rebuke. When David says, “Let a righteous man strike me”,
he is not talking literally about a punch to the face, but, someone verbally
striking him face to face. It is a
poetic way of describing confrontation when we’re in the wrong. “Let a righteous man strike me – it is a
kindness; let him rebuke me – it is oil on my head.”
Have you ever
been rebuked? The idea of rebuking
someone involves showing someone the error in their life so that they are
convinced of the error and make appropriate corrections. It can be a painful moment. But it’s good to remember the words of
Proverbs 27:6 when it says, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted…”
The
Bible is full of examples of men being confronted: King Saul was confronted by the prophet
Samuel because of his disobedience to the LORD (1 Samuel 15). King David was confronted by the prophet Nathan
when David committed adultery (2 Samuel 12).
The Apostle Peter was confronted by the Apostle Paul when Peter was
causing division in the Church (Gal 2). And
more examples are to be found.
Let’s
start out with honesty: no one likes to
be told they are in the wrong. No one
likes it when they hear that they’ve either done something or said something
that is not right. None of us looks
forward to those moments. Actually, for
many of us, those times probably bring out the worst in us. We get defensive, vindictive, deflective, and
we start looking for ways to pass blame.
Criticizing others comes naturally to us but being criticized can be
simply unfathomable. “Who would dare criticize me?”
But
these moments are also an excellent test to see how much pride is really in our
hearts. Pride prevents us from hearing
criticism. Pride makes us think we don’t
have any faults. Pride makes us blind to
areas in our lives that we need to grow in.
Pride makes us think the plank in our eye is only a little sliver and
the sliver in someone else’s eye is a giant plank. Pride exaggerates our own strengths while
exaggerating the weaknesses of others. Pride
minimizes our own weaknesses while magnifying the weaknesses of others. Because of this, there is probably no occasion
when our pride is seen more clearly than when we are confronted by someone
about an issue in our lives.
But let me say
this: the skill of responding to a
rebuke is essential for the Christian life.
As a matter of fact, it is essential in marriage and parenting and on
the job and in many situations. Notice I
said skill – it is something we are not naturally good at but with practice we
get better.
Now, unless we
live under a rock we will eventually be in situations where we are in need of a
good Biblical rebuke. The reason is
because no one here is perfect. We’re
all pressing on toward’s perfection in Christ, towards maturity in the faith,
aiming for the goal of Christ-likeness.
No one has arrived, young or old.
So let us not pay lip service to our faults. I mean, let’s not say “O I’m not perfect I
know. Nobody is perfect” and then act
all fussy when someone actually talks to us about one of our imperfections.
So since the
chances are we’ll all be rebuked at one point or another in the future, let’s
think ahead about how we’ll respond when that time comes. Let me offer some pointers for how to take a
punch in your Christian life.
#1: Realize that a rebuke may be an open door to
personal growth in your faith
Realize that a
rebuke may be an open door to personal growth.
Listen to Proverbs 9:8-9, “Rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser
still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning.” Proverbs 15:32 says, “Whoever heeds correction gains
understanding.” Proverbs 19:25
says, “…rebuke a discerning man and he will gain knowledge.”
What we are
seeing in these verses is how a wise person responds to a rebuke. They are wise because they listen to a rebuke
and learn from it. They increase their
wisdom because they are humble enough to listen and mature.
***Key point
here: You will never be wise if you
cannot listen to criticism. Let us say
it inversely, you will remain a fool if you don’t listen and learn from someone
who rebukes you.
It’s very helpful
too to consider that God may be using them in your life. A great example is when the Apostle Paul had
to confront the Apostle Peter. Turn with
me to Galatians 2:11-14. Peter was doing
something wrong. He was staying with his
Jewish clique and not hanging out with the Gentile Christians. He was acting in a way that reinforced the
division between Jews and Gentiles. He
was causing division in the Church, where God had brought unity. So, the Apostle Paul had the unpleasant task
of confronting the leader of the Apostles.
Here’s the thing
though: Perhaps Peter later realized
that God used Paul to correct this behavior.
You may have never given attention to that area in your life if the
person never said anything. Sometimes
we’re aware of things in our life but don’t get motivated to change until
someone says something to us.
Realize that a
rebuke may be an open door to personal growth in the faith.
#2: Realize that rebuking each other is a
responsibility Christians have towards each other.
This
doesn’t mean that we carry a badge and now we’re on a mission to put everyone
in their place, to beat people down and point fingers. That isn’t the way the Bible describes
Christian fellowship at all. What this
means is that admonishing and rebuking each other has a legitimate place in our
fellowship as Christians. Colossians
3:16 says, “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish
one another with all wisdom…” In
other words, God has put it on us as Christians to hold each other accountable.
But I’m not
bringing this point up to legitimize the person who does the rebuking. I’m bringing up this point for us today as
those who may one day be on the receiving end of a rebuke. We need to understand this point today
because if we as Christians are ever in sin or error then we need to see that our
fellow Christians have the right and the difficult responsibility of
confronting us.
No one likes to
be confronted over things in their lives, but, more than any other people, we
as Christians should acknowledge our responsibility to at least listen humbly
when someone is trying to speak truth lovingly into our lives. In other words, we don’t spout off a bunch of
garbage like, “Mind your own business!”,
or, “You don’t have a right to talk to me
about that!” Yes, a brother or
sister who loves me and is trying to help me by rebuking me has a God-given
right, and, a God-given responsibility.
The Church is self-regulating in this regard.
When Jesus
describes the 4 step process for carrying out church discipline in Matthew 18,
there is something that is unstated but very obvious in our Lord’s words. The person who is being confronted for their
sin has the responsibility to repent. If
they don’t, then the church moves to the next steps. In other words, the person being confronted
is supposed to recognize that the church has the right and the responsibility
to speak truth into their lives. So let
each of us learn this lesson: if our
brother or sister comes and rebukes us they have a responsibility before God,
and a right from God, to do so.
Therefore, let us give our ears to what is said.
#3: Listen to what is being said more than how it
is being said.
Some people are
better at confrontation than others.
It’s easier to hear about your faults from some people than it is from
others. What I mean is that some people may
not approach you in a way that makes it easy to hear what they are saying.
But, what they
are saying may be very important for you to hear. Proverbs 19:11 (our Family Worship memory
verse for September) says, “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to
his glory to overlook an offense.”
If someone is offensive in the way they criticize you, don’t let it make
you deaf to what they are criticizing you about. James 1:19 says, “Everyone should be quick to
listen, slow to speak, and even slower to become angry.” Excellent advise if you are being
confronted. An excellent example of this
is when King David was confronted by Shimei in 2 Samuel 16:5-. [Turn there and read].
When you are the
king of Israel you don’t put up with such treatment. But David was suffering the consequences of
his sin and he thought that maybe Shimei was part of those consequences the
Lord was making him suffer.
Lesson: Be ready to admit that there really is
something you need to correct. When
someone comes to you about something in your life follow these 3.5 steps: 1) Assess whether their criticism is
legitimate, 2) Acknowledge your need to change, and 3) Arrange the necessary
changes, and 3.5) Appreciate them for their love and their courage in coming to
you.
Listen to what is
being said more than how it is being said.
#4: Commit to praying about the issue.
Make the first
thing you do after being rebuked is to pray.
Not once, but, commit to praying about the issue over the next few days
or weeks. When you pray I recommend you
pray for the following: 1) Ask God to
give you an open heart to what was said to you, 2) Ask him give you a willing
heart to make changes. 3) Ask God to
help you be humble and appreciative in your attitude towards the person who
came to you..
#5: You have to care about righteousness more
than you care about being right.
This is the heart
of Psalm 141. David loves righteousness
so much that he wants to be rebuked when his life does not show forth God’s
righteousness. You have to love
righteousness more than you care about being in the right.
Turn to Psalm
141. Notice verses 1-2 David prays for
himself that he would be righteous. In
verse 3 he prays that he would not speak evil, but rather that his mouth would
speak righteous things. Then notice the
first half of verse 4 David does not want his heart to desire evil, but rather
righteousness. The last half of verse 4
“with men who are evil doers; let me not eat of their delicacies” means he
doesn’t want to delight in evil, or be in the company of men who do evil. What we see here is a man who is obsessed
with being righteous because he is obsessed with God. That’s why in verse 5 he welcomes a rebuke
from a righteous man because a righteous man’s rebuke will help David stay on
track in being righteous.
David loved
righteousness more than he loved being in the right.
Some people
cannot take the notion that they are ever wrong. We have all seen people, sometimes the person
in the mirror, who stubbornly refuses to admit any wrongdoing and who are
vigorously defend themselves to the death.
But in scene 3 Shakespears play The Winter’s Tale, King Leontes mourns
his coldness of heart and says “I am ashamed: does not the stone rebuke me,
For being more stone than it?” Let
us not be so much like stones and stubbornly unaffected that we are
unresponsive to a good and needed rebuke.
Proverbs 12:1 says “he
who hates correction is stupid.”
Proverbs 13:1 says, “a mocker does not listen to a rebuke.” And sadly, in the process, the righteousness
of God is not seen anywhere in their life because they hold on to their sin so
strongly.
When
we are rebuked, we have to care more about God’s righteousness than we care
about being in the right.
#7: Be thankful the person has confronted you.
Be thankful the
person has confronted you. Proverbs
17:10 says, “A rebuke impresses a man of discernment more than a hundred lashes a
fool.” And Proverbs 25:12 says,
“Like
an earring of gold or an ornament of fine gold is a wise man’s rebuke to a
listening ear.” Proverbs 27:6
says, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted.”
A man of discernment who has a listening ear will appreciate a well-placed
rebuke from one of his friends. That was
the way David saw it. Psalm 141:5 says,
“Let
a righteous man strike me – it is a kindness; let him rebuke me – it is oil on
my head. My head will not refuse it.”
And remember,
it’s hard to confront someone. The
person may have agonized and prayed and thought long and hard about what they
would say to you for a long time before actually talking to you. It takes a lot of courage to go to
someone.
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