Ephesians 6:4, Fathers, Train Them (Part 3)

Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, Train Them, Part C

            In 1 Corinthians 13:11 Paul says, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.  When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.”  The idea behind parenting is that we are raising our kids to one day become adults.  We continually keep their adulthood in view.  We keep asking the question along the way, “What kind of adult am I creating here?”  That’s what Paul is getting at in Ephesians 6:4 when he says, “bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”  “Bring them up”.  It’s a phrase that means to nourish them up to maturity, not just physically, but, in all aspects of life.  We’re teaching our kids to become men and women who are godly, mature, and responsible.  

 

Last week we looked at the negative command in this verse, “Don’t exasperate your children.”  This week we are looking at the positive, “Train them.”  Do not exasperate. Do train.

 

Train them.  Discipline them so they learn self-discipline.  Parents are primary teachers and instructors of their children’s education.  It is a total education (show “life” lessons from Proverbs).  Fathers, own this.  Be jealous for this role in your kids’ lives.  Accept that they need training.

How To’s:

#1:  Be their role-model.  Paul says in 1 Corinthians 11:1, “Imitate me because I follow Christ.”  He says in Philippians 4:8, “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me – put it into practice.”  Let us be the example of what they should become.  Fathers, be the man your boys should become and your girls should marry.  Mothers, be the woman you want your girls to become and your boys to marry. 

 

And let us not think they aren’t looking for a pattern to follow.  We are wired to mimic those around us.  It is especially noticeable in young children as they start saying the same words they hear you say and acting in the same ways you act.  They look for examples.  Be their role-model.

 

            #2:  Train them to live a distinctly Christian life.  When Paul says, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord, he means “in the Lord”.  In other words, give them a Christian education.  Teach them about life as a Christian in this world.  Teach them to think like a Christian, reason like one, live like one, love like one. 

In Genesis Genesis 18:19 it said, “For I have chosen Abraham, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing what is right and just…”  Job was another great father.  In Job 1:5 it says that Job offered sacrifices to God early in the morning on behalf of his children in case they had sinned.  Job took seriously his own relationship with God, and, his children’s relationship with God. 

 

David was a great example of a father who took God’s words seriously when it came to parenting.  Solomon says of his father in Proverbs 4, “When I was a boy in my father’s house…he taught me and said, ‘Lay hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands and you will live.’”  Solomon credited his father with imparting much wisdom to him as a child.  If you go through Proverbs you will find that the whole book is written in the context of a father imparting wisdom to his son. 

 

 

#3:  Reprove them.  As much as we love them they need to be reproved.  We correct them when they err, reprove them when they defy, teach them when they don’t know.  Kids do not come “ready-made”.  They do not come with a pre-assembled understanding of right and wrong.  If we are true to our theology, they are not born little angels, but, little devils.  Listen to what the Minnesota Crime Commission reported:

 

“Every baby starts life as a little savage.  He is completely selfish and self-centered.  He wants what he wants when he wants it:  his bottle, his mother’s attention, his playmate’s toys, his uncle’s watch, or whatever.  Deny him these and he seethes with rage and aggressiveness which would be murderous were he not so helpless.  He’s dirty, he has no morals, no knowledge, no developed skills.  This means that all children, not just certain children but all children, are born delinquent.  If permitted to continue in their self-centered world of infancy, given free reign to their impulsive actions to satisfy each want, every child  would grow up a criminal, a thief, a killer, a rapist.”

Don’t get me wrong, there is much to love and adore in a brand new baby and little children, but, let’s understand what they are.  They are part of the human race, descendants of Adam, and, possessors of that same rebel nature that has been passed down to every one of us.  Romans 5:18, 19, “the result of one trespass was condemnation for all men…through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners.”  Ephesians 2:3 says, “we are by nature objects of God’s wrath”.  From the womb they are sinful to the core.  They are self-centered, they are self-seeking, and they are self-willed.  From an early age they are defiant and will test every limit, bend every rule, and push every boundary you put up. 

 

Why mention all this?  Because we believe we should scorn our children?  Of course not.  Because we want to clarify that this is an important reason why reproving and correcting is so necessary in parenting. 

#4:  Use the rod.  The Bible teaches corporal punishment, and parents are wise to apply it with wisdom and love.  Proverbs 13:24 says, “He who spares the rod hates his son.”  Translation, one of the ways you show love is by spanking.  It’s obviously not the only way, but, a parents love can be doubted if they do not apply the rod of correction to the seat of understanding. 

 

Fewer and fewer today are in support of spanking, but, the Bible is in full support of it.  Proverbs 22:15 says, “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod will drive it far from him.”  Oh, spanking damages them!  No, not spanking damages them.  Proverbs 23:13 says, “Do not withhold discipline from a child.  If you punish him with the rod he will not die.  Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.”  If you want to raise a wise child, along the way there will be spankings.  Proverbs 29:15 says, “The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.” 

 

Like many things, this can be abused.  A parent should never use spankings to make themselves feel better.  It should not be done in anger.  Nor should it be done only to stop the immediate behavior.  There are long-range plans in view.  It is formative and preventative.  We are shaping our child’s character, and that includes the purging of folly by the rod. 

 

When it is done in love it is an incredible tool for not only shaping the character of a child, but, increasing their love for you.  Spanking without love is abuse, love without spankings is selfish, but, when you apply the rod with love it creates a bond that you wouldn’t want to miss out on.  Illustration of Evan and I spanking… “Oh, you GOT me dad!”

 

#5:  Regular worship.  One important way to train your children is to teach them to worship God.  Do it in your home.  Have regular times where you read God’s Word and pray together as a family.  Have a family verse.  Challenge each other to memorize verses.  Challenge each other to apply what you read together.  Parents, we may not have ever discipled anyone in the church, but, for better or worse, we are discipling the little people in our home.  Let us teach them to love God with all their hearts, souls, minds, and strength.  Let us teach them the way of Christ.  Love.  Humility.  Patience.  Kindness.  Generosity.  Righteousness.  Let us teach them to admire, adore, and give awe to God.  Let that be true in our homes, not just on Sunday morning.  Let’s not make church professional.