Ephesians 5:23-24
Marriage
God’s Way
Part B:
A Wife’s Submission
Introduction:
Illustration: There was a lady who I read was a member of a
woman’s club and one day their club had a speaker who was lecturing on
marriage. The speaker asked the audience
how many of the women wanted to "mother" their husbands.
One member in the back row raised her hand.
"You do want to
mother your husband?" the speaker asked.
"Mother?" the woman echoed. "I thought you said
smother."
It has been said that while Love is a dream. Marriage is the alarm
clock!
Our series right
now is called, “Marriage God’s Way”. There are enough people out there doing
marriage their own way. As Christians,
we want to do marriage God’s way. Since Paul
is a gentleman, he addresses the ladies first.
We saw a couple weeks ago that her role is to submit to her
husband. A wife’s submission to her
husband is based on her submission to Christ.
A wife who is filled with the Holy Spirit (v18), reverent of Christ
(v20), and submitted to Christ (v22), will be submitted to her husband. Now, let us proceed through verses 23 and 24,
to see more of what submission means.
Submission
means Recognizing Your Husband’s Headship
(v23)
Our
first point today is that Submission is Recognizing Your Husband’s
Headship. Notice verse 23, “For
the husband is the head of the wife...” Paul taught this same thing when he wrote to
the Corinthians. In 1 Corinthians 11:3
he said, “Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the
head of every woman is man..”
For
a wife to submit to her husband it requires that she recognizes her husband is
her head – that is, her authority. That’s
what head means. The Bible says that Christ
is the Head of the Church (Eph. 1:22), He is the authority of the Church. And, the Bible says that man is the head of
the woman. When a wife submits to her
husband she recognizes he is her authority.
What does that
mean? It means to put your husband’s
will before your own. Submitting
means surrendering your rights and yielding to your husband. It is not involuntary, or forced – and it’s
not meant to be. It is a voluntarily act
where you place yourself beneath your husband’s authority.
Why
is the husband the head? Why is it not
the other way around? Well, Satan and
the world flip this relationship upside down, and pervert it in all sorts of
ways. What we need is some Biblical
perspective. Let us examine several
Biblical reasons why it is the husband who is the head of the wife.
#1: First, because of Creation. Man is the head of the wife because God
created him first. You’ll remember that
Adam came before Eve – he is older than she is.
It is this order of creation that gives us the reason for the order of
authority. It’s important to note also that
it was Adam who named Eve. This was a
sign of Adam’s authority. This order of
creation is actually what Paul refers to in 1 Timothy 2:13 when he is teaching
that women are not to have authority over men.
He says, “For Adam was formed first, then Eve.” In other words, because Adam came first, he
had authority over her. He was her
head. And so, marriage is patterned that
way ever since. A woman who submits to
her husband recognizes that he is her head, her authority, because that is the
way God created it to be.
***Why would woman be created after man? Why didn’t God create her from the dirt the
same way and at the same time He created man?
Why did God create her after man?
#2: The answers to those questions become the 2nd
reason why the husband is the head of the wife:
She Compliments him. The
man is the head of the woman because of creation, and, because she compliments
him. What does this mean? It means she was created by God for
man. God said in Genesis 2:18, “It is
not good for man to be alone. I will
make a helper suitable for him.”
That is why the man is the head of the woman. She was created for him, not the other
way around. First Corinthians 11:8-9
says, “For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created
for woman, but woman for man.”
She was made by God for man to compliment him. She is his helpmate. First Corinthians 11:7
says actually that she is the glory of
the man.
#3: Thirdly, the man is the head of the woman
because of the Curse. In Genesis 3
we see how sin entered the world. In Genesis
3:16, because of the woman’s sin, God stated that her desire would be
for her husband.... When God said her
“desire” would be for her husband it means
that she would desire to rule him, to be
his authority, to make him do what she wants him to do. It was a statement of the conflict between
man and woman introduced into their relationship because of their sin.
The word for
“desire” is the same Hebrew word used in the next chapter when God said to
Cain, “sin crouches at your door and it desires to have you..”
(4:7). That doesn’t mean sin wanted to cooperate with Cain, sin wants to
enslave Cain. Because Eve usurped her
husband’s authority in Genesis 3 (abandoned being the helpmate, engaging Satan
without deferring to her husband, disobeying the command Adam gave her from the
Lord, leading him into disobedience, etc.), the sinful desire to rule her
husband came into her heart.
This is why we
have woman saying things today like: “He may be the head, but, I am the neck that
controls the head.” Or, “I’m still training him”, or, “I wear the pants”, or, “He’s not my boss”, or whatever other
defiant and manipulative statements women make to scorn submission to their
husbands. These are rebellious
statements against God’s established order in marriage. Women who maintain such attitudes are not
simply rejecting their husband’s authority, but, they are rejecting God’s
authority – He ordered things this way.
Such attitudes are rooted in Genesis 3:16, “Your desire shall be for your
husband”, to rule him, master him, control him.
But while God
acknowledges this desire in her, He is not the author of that sinful
desire. He is, however, the Author of
the proper order of authority in marriage, which is why God does say in the
same verse, “He will rule over you.”
In essence, “Your husband will be
your head.”
Let us relate
this to Ephesians 5:23-24. Take any of
those statements about the husband being the head and the wife being the neck, and
imagine the church saying that about Jesus Christ. “He may
be the head, but, we’re the neck that controls Him.” No one in their right mind would dare say
such things about their Lord – not even jokingly. Out of reverence for Jesus Christ no Christian
woman should say that about their husbands either – whom their Lord has
appointed to be their head.
So, the man is
the head of the wife – because of creation, because she compliments
him, and because of the curse.
#4: Fourthly, the husband is the head of the wife
because this Corresponds with Christ’s Headship over the Church. For Christian women this is an extremely
important reason for submitting to your husbands. Marriage is patterned after Christ and His
relationship to the Church. In a marriage,
the husband corresponds with Christ, and, the wife corresponds with the
Church. As Ephesians 5:23 says, “For
the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church…” A wife’s submission corresponds to the
Church’s submission. She is like the
Church. Her role is that of Body, as
verse 28 says, “Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies”.
There is great
dignity and beauty in a submissive wife.
The woman of Proverbs 31 is a woman of great dignity and beauty, and, yet,
it says nothing of her physical appearance.
But notice the way it describes how she beautifully corresponds to her
husband. In verse 12 it says, “Her
husband has full confidence in her…she brings him good, not harm, all the days
of her life.” Then it says in
verse 23, “Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat
among the elders of the land.” Contrast
that with the repugnance of a rebellious wife in Proverbs. “A quarrelsome wife is like constant dripping”
says Proverbs 19:13. Better
to live on the corner of a roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife”
Proverbs 21:9 says. It is a beautiful
and dignified sight when a woman willingly, voluntarily chooses to submit
herself to her husband because she knows she corresponds to the Church.
#5: Fifthly, and lastly, a wife recognizes her
husband’s headship because it is Commanded in Scripture. Notice Ephesians 5:24, “Now as the Church submits to
Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
Submitting means
putting your husbands will before your own.
It means seeking his agenda, not your own. Listen, this takes a strengthened will, not a
weakened will. This isn’t passive, it is
active submission. This isn’t done from
weakness, it is done from spiritual strength.
It isn’t done from fear, it is done from faith. It is not done from pride, but, from
humility. It isn’t done from flesh, it
is done from a Spirit-filled condition.
It isn’t done out of inspiration from a perfect husband (sometimes it
is), it is done out of love and reverence for Christ. It isn’t done from a self-assertive will,
but, from a will surrendered to Christ.
It isn’t done conditionally, or depending on how well the husband is
doing - it is done unconditionally, regardless of his behavior. A wife submits to her husband because she
recognizes his headship is commanded in Scripture.
The important
thing here is that this means your husband does not need to be perfect in your
eyes for you to submit to him. Your
Savior is perfect, and, therefore, because you are submitted to a perfect
Savior, you can submit to an imperfect man if that’s what your Savior wants
directs you to do.
Is there any
situation where a woman should not submit to her husband? Of course. At least one reason is that if he is leading
her to sin, she should refuse. Remember,
a woman’s first authority is Christ, and, if a husband is leading her to
actively sin against Christ then she should remain loyal to Christ.
But there are
some common reasons why woman refuse to submit.
These are 3 Stumbling Stones to Submission.
1) Fear of a dictator husband.
2) Fear your husband won’t do it your way. Fear of not being in control.
3) Frustration with a passive husband.
Application/
Conclusion:
We
have spent some time here outlining the Biblical reasons why a wife is
to submit to her husband. At this point,
some wives may be asking “How?” “How do
I submit to my husband?” I am going to
offer several practical starters to help you submit.
#1: The first thing a wife can do is to start
with the right heart. Start
submitting in your heart first.
Everything comes from the heart.
Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else guard your heart, for it is
the wellspring of life.” In
Matthew 12 Jesus said that it is out of the overflow of the heart the mouth
speaks and in Mark 7 He said it is up out of the heart that all of our behavior
comes from. Practically, if you want to
know where to start in submitting, start with your heart. This takes studying the issue in God’s Word, praying
and asking Christ to change your heart and yielding to the Holy Spirit.
#2: Second, learn to be Silent. Learn to hold your tongue. Why do I say this? Some women do a lot of damage with their
mouths. And, as I study this issue in
the Bible I see a direct relationship between a woman’s submission and her
silence. Let me read to you several passages that illustrate the point.
***1 Peter 3:1 says this, “Wives,
in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them
do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the
behavior of their wives.” Notice
that he says, “without words”. Submission is seen in silence.
***Another passage is 1Timothy 2:11, “A
woman should learn in quietness and full submission.” Paul says in the very next verse, “I do
not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be
silent.” In other words, a
woman’s submission is seen in her silence.
***Lastly, in 1 Corinthians 14:34 it says, “women
should remain silent in the churches.
They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission.” Again, a woman’s submission is reflected in
her silence.
Silence is a product
of submission. But silence in a marriage
does not mean that she is a mute.
Silence does not mean she is not allowed to talk, or has no input, no
contribution, no dialogue, or that she has nothing to offer. That isn’t it at all.
Silence means
that a wife refrains from nagging her husband, from criticizing him, from preaching
to him, from being his teacher, from put-downs, from undermining him and
under-cutting his decisions, from pushing him, and from manipulating. Silence is refraining from trying to mother
your husband, from giving him orders and from trying to boss him around, from
being condescending towards him, and for crying out loud no Christian wife
should ever tweet or post derogatory comments about her husband on
Facebook. This is the woman that
Proverbs warns about. Better
to live on the corner of a roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife
(21:9). Better to live in a desert than
with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife (21:9). A quarrelsome wife is like a constant
dripping on a rainy day (27:15).
It is said that a
woman needs to say at least 10,000 words a day.
If wife can’t hit that number without disrespecting her husband then she
needs to settle for fewer words.
Actually, a better suggestion is that whatever she has to say to her
husband to try and straighten him out, or to “train him” is something she
should tell the Lord in prayer instead.
If the woman who uses her mouth to run her husband down spent half that
time in prayer instead of she would see far more results. I would say that a
woman who uses a lot of words to influence her husband does not have the
behavior the Bible says she should. And,
that means you have to stop focusing on his flaws and start focusing on being
the godly woman that God wants you to be in your situation.
Illustration: Man
who came to pastor, had attended church for 25 years, respected, leader in the
church, said, "Pastor, I've got something to tell you. I've never told
this to a soul, extremely difficult to tell you this now, but my wife and I
have had a fight every day for the past 30 years of our marriage."
Pastor taken back. Didn't know what to say to the man. Playing for
time to gather thoughts, said, "Every day?"
"Yes, every day."
"Did you today before you came to church?"
"Yes."
"Well, how did it end up?"
"She came crawling to me on her hands and knees."
"What did she say?"
"Come out from under that bed you coward and fight like a
man!"
This is so
important because God created the woman to be the helpmate to her husband. She is extremely valuable to her him. When Adam was alone, and Eve hadn’t been
created yet, God said that Adam’s condition was “not good”. God offered the solution in the form of the
woman. She brings wholeness,
companionship, and help to him. It may
very well be that she has more to offer than her man. Husbands are wise to give serious
consideration to the input and feedback and contribution a wife offers. But everything a woman has to offer is to be
offered to her husband in submission to him.
When a woman usurps her husband, or tries to take on his role, it
doesn’t matter what she has to offer anymore, she is out of order. But when she offers her gifts in submission
to her husband she is a source of feedback, wisdom, insight and counsel that is
extremely valuable. Her value is in her
God-created role. But, the value of what
she can offer diminishes the further away she gets from that role. How to submit? Learn to be silent.
#3: Third, get connected with a godly older
woman. The ins and outs of daily
submission to your husband are not learned from the pulpit. I cannot possibly give direction for how to
submit to your husband in all the different marriage scenarios. Nor can I teach all the “how-to’s” of
submitting to him. ***Nor am I supposed
to***. The Bible doesn’t put that on me,
it puts it on older women. Titus 2 says
that older women are to teach the younger women. Turn to Titus 2:3-5 with me. (Read)
This requires
that the older women are available and able to teach these things. The older women, who have been there and done
that, married to an imperfect man, yet, because of a perfect Savior, have learned
to submit. Through prayer she’s battled
her anger, frustration, and disappointments.
Through the Word, through reverence for Christ, she has learned the
practical details of how to manage her heart, her words, and her actions so
that she lives in submission to her husband and sincerely treats him like her
Christ-appointed head.
This doesn’t come
from 2 sermons. It comes from a deepening,
rich, open, transparent, honest communication between an older woman and
younger woman who both desire to please Christ.
It happens over the phone, over coffee, over Bible study and constant
encouragement and modeling. It is
learned, it is not natural. Submission
is something that is spiritual, it is supernatural, and it is aided and
empowered by the Holy Spirit. This
emphasizes the need of the relationship between the older and the younger, in
mentoring relationships.
Illustration: A braid appears to contain only two strands
of hair. But it is impossible to create a braid with only two strands. If the
two could be put together at all, they would quickly unravel. Herein lies the
mystery: What looks like two strands require a third. The third strand, though
not immediately evident, keeps the strands tightly woven. In a Christian
marriage, God's presence, like the third strand in a braid, holds holds husband
and wife together. Cathern Paxton.
Comments
Post a Comment