Marriage God's Way: A Wife's Submission, Part A

Ephesians 5:22
A Wife's Submission

Introduction

There is a dear sweet woman in our church, a widow now, who had many wonderful years with her husband.  And there was one conversation where she said playfully, “Well, as for my husband, he had hair when we got married, but, I took care of that!”  And with that we begin our study of marriage in Ephesians.

 

Someone has said, “Marriage is when you agree to spend the rest of your life sleeping in a room that's too warm, beside someone who's sleeping in a room that's too cold.”

 

Marriage is designed, instituted and governed by the Creator.  He created man and woman, and He designed them to go together.  Marriage is a mysterious picture of Jesus Christ and the Church (Eph.5:32).  Marriage is temporary.  For the marriage bond ends at death (Math. 22:30; Rom. 7:2; 1 Cor. 7:39).  For some that is disheartening, for others, it offers hope.  Now, as the Creator of marriage, God also rightfully governs marriage by giving instruction for how a man and woman are to live in the marriage covenant.

 

And that is where we will be focusing our attention over the next few weeks.  Always the gentlemen, Paul let’s ladies go first, and he speaks to us first on the topic of a wife’s submission to her husband.

 

Illustration:  There was an article I read online last month that covered the story of a #1 best-selling book in Spain.  It was interesting because while the book was #1 it was also being protested against, and, there was legal action being considered to ban the book from the country. 

On what grounds?  Violence against women.  Now violence against women might make you think it was a book on sex-slave trafficking, or, the implementation of Sharia Law, or the promotion of abortions. 

But it wasn’t.  It was a book teaching young new wives how to be submissive to their husbands based on the teachings of the Apostle Paul.  The author was a woman, named, Costanza Miriano, and her book is titled:  Get Married, and Be Submissive. 

 

Less important to me today is the reaction of feminist groups to Biblical teaching on a wife’s role in marriage.  More important to me today is the response of Christian women.  No doubt this is controversial in society, but, as with any other Biblical teaching, the condition of our hearts is displayed by our reaction to what the Bible says.  Let us not allow ourselves to stumble over Scripture. 

 

We don’t preach to tickle ears.  We are not going to skip this section because some might be offended or indignant at the idea that a wife should submit to her husband.  We need to preach the Word in season and out of season (in other words, when it is popular and when it is not). 

 

The section of Ephesians we are entering deals with 3 important areas of our everyday lives:  Marriage (5:22-33), Parenting (6:1-4), and Work (6:5-9).  I find it interesting the order of those to whom Paul speaks.  In each relationship he speaks first to the person who is to submit and then to the one who is to be submitted to.  In marriage, he talks to wives first.  In parenting he talks to children first.  In work he talks to slaves/employees first. 

 

Looking at Ephesians though, I ask myself “Why would Paul talk about marriage to the Ephesians?”  First:  because the home is important to the Church.  Strong homes create strong churches.  Secondly, the Christian life affects every aspect of life.  Nothing about us is “off-limits” to Jesus Christ.  Everything is submitted to Him – even our marriages.  Thirdly, Paul talks about marriage because in Ephesians he is talking about Christ’s relationship to the Church.  We learn in this passage that there is more to a marriage than just a relationship between a man and woman.  Look at what Paul says in verse 32:  “This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the Church.”  In other words, you cannot understand marriage unless you understand Jesus Christ and His Church.

 

For the next however-many weeks we will cover the relationship of marriage.  We might be tempted to think “Let’s not go there.  It’s too controversial”. 

 

But, I am as eager to go here as I am any other passage in Scripture.  Why?  First, because wherever the passage goes, we go.  We cover every verse.  There is “No verse left behind”.  Why?  Because all Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for our edification.  That means every passage – including this one. 

 

Second, because in a day and age when marriage is all wrong you don’t hold back the right answer.  (Same-sex marriages, divorce, term-marriages, group marriages and on and on it goes).  Now more than ever we need straight, Biblical teaching.  You don’t hold back the medicine when someone is sick.  You don’t skip the gas station when the tank is on “E”.  You don’t skip the passages on marriage when marriage is in trouble.

 

***Singles, this is not a time to check out. 

 

Submit to your Husband (v22-24)

God is a God of order.  Therefore, He designs order, and, there is order in marriage.  He says a wife is to submit to her husband.  Notice verse 22, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.”  It is said also in Colossians 3:18, “Wives submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord.”  But let us see the whole order.  It says in 1 Corinthians 11:3, “Now I want you to see the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”  This is the order of submission in marriage:   1) Christ is submitted to God the Father, 2) the husband is submitted to Christ, and 3) the wife is submitted to her husband.

 

Submit means “to arrange yourself under someone else.”  It means to put yourself in order, to get in line, to “line up”.  The opposite of submission is rebellion.

Let’s look at several things Paul does not mean:

First, he does not mean that husbands are to be submitted to the leadership of the wife.  Genesis says that Man was created first, and the woman was created second.  She is designed for him.  She was created as the helper to the man – not the other way around.  The wife is not the head of the marriage or the home.  One of the qualifications to be a pastor listed in 1 Timothy 3 says that “HE must manage his home well”.  In chapter 2 Paul said, “I do not permit a woman to teach or have authority over a man.” 

        Second, it does not mean that the wife is inferior.  Remember again 1 Corinthians 11.  It says Christ is submitted to the Father, and yet, we know Christ is equal with the Father, not inferior.  His is a willing submission.  The same is true of the wife, a willing submission of one equal to another. 

Also in Genesis you will see that God says both male and female are made in God’s image (Gen. 1).  Equality is implied also in the fact that God created the woman from the man.  Before the woman was created for man, Adam did not have a suitable helper, and God said that wasn’t good for him to be alone.  It is interesting that no animal was an fitting helpmate.  So men, contrary to popular opinion, your dog is not your best friend.  Animals are inferior to humans, and God created another human – a female – from Adam’s own body.

I like the way Wayne Barber puts it:  Sometimes  when you see what it does not mean, it helps see what it does mean. For instance, hupotasso does not mean that the wife is commanded to obey her husband as a child would obey his parents or a slave would obey his master.  Many men treat their wives like door mats and they "walk all over them" as if they have no sense or ability and as if they are inferior. That is not what the hupotasso means. As a matter of fact, there is another Greek word that is used in that kind of relationship. It is the word hupakouo (see related noun hupakoe) which is entirely different.

Hupotasso describes two people who are absolutely equal in God’s eyes. There is no inferiority of one to the other. The wife makes a choice to place herself as an equal underneath another equal, her husband, in order that there can be order and function in the family. The whole purpose of it is so that it meets the design that God has ordered... It takes nothing from the dignity of a woman for her to submit, but rather it enhances it. It takes great integrity for a person to do what God says should be done.

Thirdly, the obligation to submit does not apply only when a wife feels like it.  Some might say, “He won’t lead so I have to!” 

Answer:  No you don’t. 

Scripture never says you are to lead when you perceive he is not leading.  You’re not the back-up here.  You’re not the 2^nd stringer sent in when the 1^st stringer won’t play.  Practical advice:  If your husband is leaving the leadership position vacant, then you make sure you leave it vacant.  It is not your responsibility.  It is his.  He is the one who will give an account for his leadership choices – good, bad, or otherwise. 

Think about something here.  The moment you try and step in to HIS role you have abandoned yours.  You have now complicated and compounded the problem in the marriage, the home, and before God.  Now God sees a husband who is supposed to lead but isn’t leading, AND God now sees a wife who is trying to lead who is not supposed to.  Rather than 1, there are 2 people in this marriage who have abandoned their posts.  Both are out of order, both are not in line.  Both are not submitted.  Both are in rebellion.  ***Stay in order.  If your husband is out of order, you make sure you stay in order.  If you step into the role of leading you become an enabler.  He sees you leading and therefore why should he try?  And let’s be honest, once you start leading, you aren’t going to want to get out.  Of course you say you would like to, but, you have control.  It’s harder for him to step into the leadership spot when he has to first dethrone you.  The potential for quarrels multiplies when a wife insists on leading.  Proverbs says multiple times, “Better to live on the corner of a roof than with a quarrelsome wife.”

 

Submission to Husbands Requires Submission to Christ (v22)

            Submission to your husband requires that you are first submitted to Christ.  Notice how Paul gives this instruction to wives in verse 22, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.”

 

This means an attitude of reverence for Christ (v21) and it being filled with the Holy Spirit (v18). 

 

The critical word in these three verses is the word “as”.  This little word puts the whole thing in context.  Submit to your husband AS you submit to the Lord.  In other words, in the same way you submit to the Lord you are to submit to your husband. 

 

This word “as” shows up earlier in some critical areas:  Chapter 4:32 says, “…forgiving each other, just AS in Christ God forgave you.”  Chapter 5:2 says, “live a life of love, just AS Christ loved us…”  Then in chapter 5:22, “Wives submit to your husbands AS to the Lord.”  Chapter 5:25, “Husbands love your wives just AS Christ loved the church…”  Chapter 6:5, “Slaves obey your earthly masters …just AS you would obey Christ.”  

 

The point here is that our relationship with Christ is the basis for the way we relate to each other. 

 

The assumption throughout each of these verses is that Christians want to please Christ, submit to Him, and obey Him. 

 

But a wife might say, “My husband is not the Lord.”  The passages don’t say he is.  It says to treat him the same way you treat the Lord. 

 

 

Verse 24 is similar to verse 22, “Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord.”  A wife’s submission to her husband is similar to the way submits to the Lord.  But, not only is it similar, submitting to her husband depends on her submission to the Lord.  If she is going to submit to her husband the way Christ wants - a wife must surrender herself to her Lord and Savior first.  His will must become her will.  Her desire must become obedience to His directives. 

 

We saw verse 22 where it says, “Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord”.  The thing to realize about what Paul says there is that a wife’s willing submission to her husband is her act of obedience to Christ.  In other words, if a woman says, “Lord, how can I serve you?  You are my Savior, you own me, I deny myself, and I am following you wherever you lead me.  What is your command?  Shall I go to Nigeria as a missionary?  Shall I work at the mission shelter?”  Verse 22 indicates that the Lord’s response would be closer to home – actually it would be the home.  He is would say:  “Submit to your husband.  That is my command.  If you do submit to your husband, I will consider that to be your obedience to Me.”  That is what verse 22 is getting at.