Marriage God's Way: A Husband's Love, Part B

Ephesians 5:25

Marriage God’s Way:

A Husband’s Love, Part B

 

Illustration: 

 “Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers. One evening, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the 95th birthday gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who moved to Florida ...

The first said, "You know I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, "And I had a large theater built in the house."
The third said, "And I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot who could recite the entire Bible. It took ten preachers almost 8 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $50,000 a year for five years to the church, but it was worth it. Mama only has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."

The other brothers were impressed. After the celebration Mama sent out her "Thank You" notes.

She wrote: "Milton , the house you built is so huge that I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound and it can hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing, and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you so much."

 

We can only imagine the way Melvin felt.  He put so much thoughtfulness into his gift.  It reflected his love and concern for what his mother loved.  He gave her a gift that cost him a great amount.  But all this only to find his gift was wasted.  All the ways he wanted his gift to be a blessing to his mother vanished in the course of one meal.

 

Our Lord has given us a great gift – the gift of His love.  I can’t help but think of how I treat that gift.  Do I only consume His love for me while not communicating His love into the lives of others?  I think if that is my case, then just like Melvin’s mother I’ve missed the gift.  Perhaps of all our relationships, nowhere is communicating Christ’s sacrificial love more important than between a husband and a wife. 

 

Why do husbands love their wives?  The answer is very simple:  Because Christ loves us.  Last week we saw that a husband’s love for his wife makes him lead her.  We looked at 9 practical ways in the home we can be doing that.  Let us continue to look at the marks of a husband’s love for his wife.

 

A Husband’s Love Must Produce Sacrifice for his Wife (v25b)

The next point is that a husband’s love must produce sacrifice for his wife.  Notice verse 25 with me, “Husband’s, love your wives just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her.”  Love equals sacrifice.  It can be safely said that without sacrifice a man is without love.  Love for our wives is seen in the sacrifice of our very selves.  Notice that again, “Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her.”  Wherever there is love, there is sacrifice.  Ephesians 5:2 says, “live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”  There is a relationship between love and sacrifice that cannot be divorced.  Love translates into self-sacrifice.  John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He gave [sacrificed] His One and Only Son…”  Love results in self-sacrifice, Galatians 2:20 says, “For I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live but Christ lives in me.  The life I live in the body I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me.”  Christ’s love produced sacrifice for His bride, and, so, our love as husbands should produce sacrifice for our brides.

 

How did Jesus Christ give Himself up? 

First, He gave up His glory, that is, He set it aside.  Turn to Philippians 2:5-8 with me.  Jesus gave up His glory to come down for His Bride.  We have to come down from our desire for personal glory for our brides.

 

Second, He gave up His reputation.  Jesus gave up His honor to come down and be put to shame for His bride.  We have to stop seeking our own honor, and, seek the honor of our brides. 

 

Third, He gave up His wealth.  Please turn to 2 Corinthians 8:9 with me.  Jesus became poor so that His Bride could become rich.  What riches are we pursuing at the expense of our wives?  Are there men among us impoverishing their wives for the sake of riches?  Take note of Christ – He sacrificed His wealth to make His Bride rich. 

 

Fourth, He gave up Himself.  He gave everything He had, and, then when He had nothing else, He sacrificed His own body.  Ephesians 5:25 says that He gave Himself up for her.  That is, it was voluntary.  No one took His life, He laid it down (John 10:10).  No greater love does anyone have than to lay down his life for his friends.  Think about that.  Christ died for us.

 

Now, how does the sacrifice of Christ translate into our sacrifice as husbands?  Let us start with a principle to guide us, and, then I will suggest several applications.  The principle is this:  Everything that is not our wife qualifies as a sacrifice for her.  If Christ gave everything, including His own life for the sake of His Bride, it means that everything in my life qualifies as a sacrifice for my wife, should her benefit require it. 

 

Here are 4 practical areas we need to consider as husbands.

 

First, we need to consider our work.  I know that we live in a day when companies employ less people, but, don’t have any less of a workload.  More work is falling on fewer people.  Wages aren’t increasing but costs of living are.  All this means that people – husbands – are working longer hours, carrying heavier workloads, and even working multiple jobs to pay bills.

 

However, any man whose ambition is to get rich or to get that next promotion, and in the process is sorely neglecting his wife and family’s spiritual well-being to accomplish his greedy goal, is sinning.  Furthermore, any man who insists on living beyond his means – who has to have things he really can’t afford – and therefore puts himself in a position to work endlessly to keep up a certain standard of living is guilty too.  If your wife is withering because of your work, do everything you can to spend less time working.  When you don’t have time for dinner, for discussion, for devotions – EVER – there is a systematic problem that needs serious attention.  No Christian man should be motivated by greed or status or a love of worldly wealth.  First Timothy 6:6-10 demands our attention here.  Let us turn together to 1 Timothy 6:6-10.

 

            Secondly, we need to consider our hobbies.  We live in an entertainment culture.  We want to constantly entertain ourselves with any and all sorts of activities.  Yet, if we are scratch golfer and our wives are lonely what do we think Christ thinks of our golf game?  I heard a Christian wife say about her Christian husband one time, “Well, my husband isn’t out at the bars all the time, but, he’s out in the woods all the time.  I guess if I can’t see him I’d rather he were hunting than bar-hopping.”  I’ve seen coffee mugs that say, “We interrupt this marriage to bring you the football season.”  I’ve seen a different one that said, “We interrupt this marriage to bring you deer season.”

 

Pastor are you saying I can’t have any fun for myself?  I’m saying if your pursuit of your own fun comes at your wife’s expense then you need to reconsider how you spend your time.  If our wife is neglected because of hobbies or recreation then as the head of our home we need to sacrifice those activities.  That’s love for her.  Sacrificing her for our fun is not loving her like Christ, it’s loving myself.  So, yes, this may mean quitting golf, or bowling, or softball, or hunting & fishing or whatever your personal interest is.  It also may mean that instead of long hours of face-time with the television or computer or iPad or smart phone we should be giving our wife some face-time. 

 

In high-school I used to have a T-shirt that said, “Life is Baseball, everything else is details”.  My shirt conveyed my life’s priority, it told the world what was most important to me, and, what wasn’t important to me.  If it was baseball, it was important to me, if it wasn’t baseball, it wasn’t important to me.  When it comes to our marriages, our shirt should say, “Life is my Wife, Everything else is just details”.  When everything else is compared to my wife, everything else just isn’t that important.

 

If you are in a position where you are working a lot and you can’t get out of it, then this kind of Sacrifice is even more important.  You have very little time.  Don’t spend what little time you do have (when you’re not working) pursuing your personal interests at the expense of your wife’s well-being.  We must love our wives.  A husband’s love for his wife must produce sacrifice for her.  Be ready to sacrifice personal recreation and hobbies for the sake of her well-being. 

 

            Thirdly, if you are holding a grudge towards your wife you need to sacrifice it for her.  So many marriages are built upon excellent bookkeeping, where every transgression is meticulously recorded.  And the books are reviewed and audited often as reminders of why they’re angry. 

 

What are you holding against her?  What offense are you not letting go of?  Where is she coming up short in your eyes that you will not stop condemning her for?  It can be something legitimate, or, just your own personal standard that according to you she has not met. 

 

***Whatever it is, Jesus Christ’s command and His example demands you take whatever offense you are holding against her and burn it on the altar until it is entirely gone. 

We cannot indulge bitterness in our hearts.  Cannot give room in our hearts for resentment. 

 

***Sacrifice your anger by forgiving her.  This is so frequently commanded in Scripture that it is impossible for us to escape our responsibility.  Ephesians 4:32, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”  Ephesians 5:2 says, “and live a life of love just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” 

 

Turn with me to 1 Corinthians 13.

 

This is so important because it is impossible to care about her spiritual well-being when a husband cares only about his complaint against his wife.  Love translates into forgiveness.  Love is expressed in forgiveness.  Forgive her.  Burn the record book.  A Husband’s love for his wife must produce sacrifice for her.  Sacrifice your grudge for her spiritual well-being. 

 

            Lastly, sacrifice silence.  Initiate meaningful conversation.  “Oh great, Pastor, you’ve been reading the 5 Love Languages haven’t you?”  No, haven’t.  I’m reading the Bible to see what is going on between Jesus Christ and His Bride, the Church.  What do I see?  I see meaningful conversation.  You say, “Oh Pastor, where is that going on?”  I see two ways. 

 

First, I see the Bible.  What is it?  It is God’s glorious communication to us.  We live on every word from the mouth of God (Matth. 4:4).  His Word is living and active (Heb. 4:12).  The word of Christ dwells richly in us (Col. 3:16).  We grow up in our salvation by the pure spiritual milk of the Word (1 Pet. 2:2).  He has communicated with us by His word and His word brings life, and not just life, but, abundant life. 

 

Likewise, our words ought to be a source of life in the marriage for our wives.  Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”  Let us translate that for us husbands, “Husbands, do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building up your wife according to her needs, not yours, so that what you say may benefit her well-being as she listens.”  Our words must promote her spiritual well-being as a woman of God.

 

Secondly, what is prayer if it is not meaningful conversation the Bride has with her Lord? He communicates through His Word, and we communicate back to Him in prayer.  And you can bet your soul that He hears every word – men, that is the kind of attention we should give to our wives.  James 1:19 says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak…”  “Husbands should be quick to listen and slow to speak.”

 

Conclusion:

A Husband’s Love must make him lead.  A Husband’s love must produce sacrifice for his wife.  Men, let us make it our greatest goal to love her like Christ loves her.  Let us allow her to see all the glory of Christ’s love communicated to her through us. 

 

Next week we will see that at husband’s love must promoter her spiritual well-being.