Ephesians 4:29-32
How to Grieve God’s Spirit
Introduction
Businesses that succeed almost always have a focus on customer satisfaction. I am sure there are not many of you who do not love Chic-Fil-A food. And like us, we look forward to the day there is one in West Michigan. But if you have ever been to a Chic-Fil-A, you’ll notice that part of the outstanding service includes the way the employees talk to you. We’ve all been to establishments where the service is poor and unfriendly. But, when Annie introduced me to Chic-Fil-A when we were dating, I noticed something that all the employees were saying. They were all saying, “My pleasure”. If you ask them for more ketchup, they would say “My pleasure”. If you ask them for a refill, they would say “My pleasure”. If you ask them for more napkins, they would say “My pleasure.” They take pleasure in making sure you are pleased. That takes customer service to a whole new level
One of the things that makes a relationship work is if two people live to please each other. There comes a time where if we are going to have successful marriages, successful friendships, successful families, successful churches, then we are going to have to start making it our priority to please others. There is a perversion of this godly humility. It’s when someone lives to please men, not God. They are afraid of what others think of them so they live to keep everybody pleased to avoid anyone being upset with them. This is not selfless, but selfish at the heart because it is being done out of a concern for self, not for others. Outwardly it looks like there is great care for others, but, inwardly, it is driven by fear or by guilt, and an attempt to soothe those feelings. The person who lives to please God, serves humbly the people around them.
It has rightly been said that Christianity is a relationship, not a religion. It is a relationship with God that is both personal, and corporate. We relate to God one on one, and, we relate to Him as a community. And if we are going to become successful Christians, meaning, growing, thriving, prospering, vital and Spirit-filled Christians, it means that we have to begin living not to please ourselves, but, to please our Lord. What pleases Him? Living according to His will pleases Him. Paul actually says in the next chapter, chapter 5 verse 17, he says, “do not be foolish, but, understand what the Lord’s will is.” When we as God’s people don’t live in God’s will, we are foolish, and, as our passage today says in 4:30, we “grieve the Holy Spirit.” To grieve the Holy Spirit means to make Him distressed, or to cause Him to be sorrowful.
We should be concerned that God is pleased with us. We should not be indifferent when it comes to grieving the Spirit. Paul has taught us that by faith we have received the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, and that He seals us. TO be sealed means that we are marked by our owner, God, indicating that we belong to Him. To be sealed also means that we are marked so as to be claimed at a future date and time by our owner. Paul has taught us that that date is the “day of redemption.” He said that in 1:14, and, here in 4:30. What does that mean? It means that if we belong to God, and, He is going to take possession of us someday, then, we should live so that He is pleased with us, and not so as to grieve His Spirit.
The fact that the Spirit can be grieved is an indication of the fact that the Spirit is a Person. He has personhood. He is a “He”, and not an “it”. He is not an impersonal force, or fog, or energy. He has Personhood, so He can be related to, and, among the many things that means it means that He can be grieved.
The question is, “How can He be Grieved?” Well the answer to that question is right here in the context. Remember that Paul is teaching the Ephesians how they should live in light of who they now are in Christ. “Live worthy of your calling…” (4:1), “No longer live like the Gentiles…” (4:17). Now that we are saved by Christ, we live like Christ. As verse 23-24 say, we are “made new in the attitude of our minds and we put on our new selves created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”
That is what pleases God. But, if we look at verse 22, we can see an indication of what doesn’t please God, it says we are to “put off our old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires.” Very simply, when we sin, and whenever we act and live according to our old self, we grieve the holy Spirit. But when we put on the new self and live according to our new self, we please Him. The question is, “Do we want to please God?” Paul said in Galatians 1:10, “…If I were still trying to please men I would not be a servant of Christ.” And as verse
Two ways to grieve the Holy Spirit: Hurtful Talk, and Heated Tempers.
Hurtful Talk (v29)
The first way to grieve the Holy Spirit is to have Hurtful Talk. Notice verse 29 where Paul says, “……………” The word for unwholesome means “rotten”, or “decayed”. We have a little tiny garden in our back yard and grow just a couple things. Yesterday I took Even and Reese out there and we picked some tomatoes. As we were picking them we saw some rotten tomatoes. These tomatoes didn’t grow right. They were turning black because they were decaying…. Or when you think of rotten think of the last time you left some rotten vegetables or fruit in the trash. That will slap you in the face when you walk in the house. The only thing rotten is good for is getting rid of. It doesn’t belong in our homes, and, it doesn’t belong in our speech. “Do not let any unwholesome/ rotten talk come out of your mouths…”
Paul is saying two things here. He says don’t talk like this. Then he says instead, talk like this. Notice the pattern he is continuing from verses 22-24, “put off the old self, and, instead, put on the new self”. As holy people we should not let any unwholesome talk come out of our mouths. Our mouths have to be the worst part about us. In James 3:6 we are told in a graphic way the problem our tongues pose: “The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” We do the most damage with our mouths.
Notice he says “Do not LET..” The indication here is self control. We have the responsibility to be purifying our speech. Ecclesiastes 5:6 says, “Do not LET your mouth lead you into sin.” Psalm 39:1 says, “I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin; I will put amuzzle on my mouth…” Our mouths want to sin, and that’s because our lingering sin nature still produces rottenness that still wants to come out, but, we are not to let it. First Peter 3:10 says, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech.” Jesus said in Matthew 12:36, “But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken.”
Just before that he said, “For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.” When we are dealing with our mouths we must deal with our hearts. And so when we are told not to let anything rotten or unwholesome or impure come forth from our mouths it requires that we don’t let any of that dwell in our hearts.
Instead of rottenness we should use our mouths to help others. While unwholesome speech grieves the Spirit, good speech gladdens Him. Notice what Paul says here, “but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Perhaps the most critical area for Christians to be concerned for others is in the way we talk. Here we have the principal applied again where we are to think of others before ourselves. First Corinthians 10:24 says, “Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.” Is the way we talk beneficial to others? Does it build them up? Does it meet their needs for spiritual growth or encouragement?
Our words matter because of God’s words. His words are perfect, flawless, and true. His word is holy and pure. He does not say anything that is not perfect, that is not right, that is not true or is not beneficial to us. “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful…” “Man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the Lord”. His words are our life.
Heated Tempers (v31)
Secondly, we can grieve the Holy Spirit when we have Heated Tempers. Notice verse 31, “………….” He said something similar in Colossians 3:8, “But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.”
Paul lists 6 different forms of anger; six fleshly fruits of anger.
First he says, bitterness. Bitterness is a long-term resentment. We might say that we are nursing a grudge. It is when we have an attitude where we are unwilling to be reconciled.
Then he says rage. Rage is translated also as wrath, and it means the flaring up of the temper. It is like a flame that comes from straw where it quickly flares up but then also quickly subsides. It’s when someone boils over or explodes or blows their top.
Thirdly he says anger. Anger is a word that describes the inner resentment we feel. It seethes and smolders. It is the feelings beneath the surface and therefore is more subtle, but more deep flowing. He’s grumpy.
Fourthly he says brawling. Brawling refers to the verbal fighting that can happen – shouting, yelling, outbursts of anger.
Fifthly he says slander. Slander comes from the Greek word blasphemia. The idea of blasphemia is that the words spoken hurt the reputation of another. It means to destroy or discredit another's good name by speaking evil against them. We want to make them look bad in the eyes of other people. Romans 12:10 says “honor one another above yourselves.” In other words, spend more time honoring others with your words than you do honoring yourself. “Let another praise you and not your own lips.” When the word is used to describe what man does to God it is called blasphemy. To blaspheme God under the law of Moses was very serious and resulted in stoning. When the word is used to describe what man does to man it is called slander. Slander is serious sin. It grieves the Spirit. It has no place in the life of Christians.
Lastly he says get rid of malice. Malice means to be mean spirited or to have a vicious attitude. It’s when someone wishes to see others hurt. When the doctor says cancer is benign he means it isn’t harmful. But when he says it is malignant, the cancer is harmful and destructive. We are not to be malignant Christians, and therefore we are to rid ourselves of malice.
Conclusion:
The Holy Spirit is a gift (Acts 1:4; 2:38). The Jews and Apostles marveled that the Gentiles were given the Holy Spirit just like they were (Acts 10:45; 11:17). If He is a gift, we should want to treat Him like a precious gift and not grieve Him.
How to Grieve God’s Spirit
Introduction
Businesses that succeed almost always have a focus on customer satisfaction. I am sure there are not many of you who do not love Chic-Fil-A food. And like us, we look forward to the day there is one in West Michigan. But if you have ever been to a Chic-Fil-A, you’ll notice that part of the outstanding service includes the way the employees talk to you. We’ve all been to establishments where the service is poor and unfriendly. But, when Annie introduced me to Chic-Fil-A when we were dating, I noticed something that all the employees were saying. They were all saying, “My pleasure”. If you ask them for more ketchup, they would say “My pleasure”. If you ask them for a refill, they would say “My pleasure”. If you ask them for more napkins, they would say “My pleasure.” They take pleasure in making sure you are pleased. That takes customer service to a whole new level
One of the things that makes a relationship work is if two people live to please each other. There comes a time where if we are going to have successful marriages, successful friendships, successful families, successful churches, then we are going to have to start making it our priority to please others. There is a perversion of this godly humility. It’s when someone lives to please men, not God. They are afraid of what others think of them so they live to keep everybody pleased to avoid anyone being upset with them. This is not selfless, but selfish at the heart because it is being done out of a concern for self, not for others. Outwardly it looks like there is great care for others, but, inwardly, it is driven by fear or by guilt, and an attempt to soothe those feelings. The person who lives to please God, serves humbly the people around them.
It has rightly been said that Christianity is a relationship, not a religion. It is a relationship with God that is both personal, and corporate. We relate to God one on one, and, we relate to Him as a community. And if we are going to become successful Christians, meaning, growing, thriving, prospering, vital and Spirit-filled Christians, it means that we have to begin living not to please ourselves, but, to please our Lord. What pleases Him? Living according to His will pleases Him. Paul actually says in the next chapter, chapter 5 verse 17, he says, “do not be foolish, but, understand what the Lord’s will is.” When we as God’s people don’t live in God’s will, we are foolish, and, as our passage today says in 4:30, we “grieve the Holy Spirit.” To grieve the Holy Spirit means to make Him distressed, or to cause Him to be sorrowful.
We should be concerned that God is pleased with us. We should not be indifferent when it comes to grieving the Spirit. Paul has taught us that by faith we have received the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, and that He seals us. TO be sealed means that we are marked by our owner, God, indicating that we belong to Him. To be sealed also means that we are marked so as to be claimed at a future date and time by our owner. Paul has taught us that that date is the “day of redemption.” He said that in 1:14, and, here in 4:30. What does that mean? It means that if we belong to God, and, He is going to take possession of us someday, then, we should live so that He is pleased with us, and not so as to grieve His Spirit.
The fact that the Spirit can be grieved is an indication of the fact that the Spirit is a Person. He has personhood. He is a “He”, and not an “it”. He is not an impersonal force, or fog, or energy. He has Personhood, so He can be related to, and, among the many things that means it means that He can be grieved.
The question is, “How can He be Grieved?” Well the answer to that question is right here in the context. Remember that Paul is teaching the Ephesians how they should live in light of who they now are in Christ. “Live worthy of your calling…” (4:1), “No longer live like the Gentiles…” (4:17). Now that we are saved by Christ, we live like Christ. As verse 23-24 say, we are “made new in the attitude of our minds and we put on our new selves created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”
That is what pleases God. But, if we look at verse 22, we can see an indication of what doesn’t please God, it says we are to “put off our old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires.” Very simply, when we sin, and whenever we act and live according to our old self, we grieve the holy Spirit. But when we put on the new self and live according to our new self, we please Him. The question is, “Do we want to please God?” Paul said in Galatians 1:10, “…If I were still trying to please men I would not be a servant of Christ.” And as verse
Two ways to grieve the Holy Spirit: Hurtful Talk, and Heated Tempers.
Hurtful Talk (v29)
The first way to grieve the Holy Spirit is to have Hurtful Talk. Notice verse 29 where Paul says, “……………” The word for unwholesome means “rotten”, or “decayed”. We have a little tiny garden in our back yard and grow just a couple things. Yesterday I took Even and Reese out there and we picked some tomatoes. As we were picking them we saw some rotten tomatoes. These tomatoes didn’t grow right. They were turning black because they were decaying…. Or when you think of rotten think of the last time you left some rotten vegetables or fruit in the trash. That will slap you in the face when you walk in the house. The only thing rotten is good for is getting rid of. It doesn’t belong in our homes, and, it doesn’t belong in our speech. “Do not let any unwholesome/ rotten talk come out of your mouths…”
Paul is saying two things here. He says don’t talk like this. Then he says instead, talk like this. Notice the pattern he is continuing from verses 22-24, “put off the old self, and, instead, put on the new self”. As holy people we should not let any unwholesome talk come out of our mouths. Our mouths have to be the worst part about us. In James 3:6 we are told in a graphic way the problem our tongues pose: “The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” We do the most damage with our mouths.
Notice he says “Do not LET..” The indication here is self control. We have the responsibility to be purifying our speech. Ecclesiastes 5:6 says, “Do not LET your mouth lead you into sin.” Psalm 39:1 says, “I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin; I will put amuzzle on my mouth…” Our mouths want to sin, and that’s because our lingering sin nature still produces rottenness that still wants to come out, but, we are not to let it. First Peter 3:10 says, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech.” Jesus said in Matthew 12:36, “But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken.”
Just before that he said, “For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.” When we are dealing with our mouths we must deal with our hearts. And so when we are told not to let anything rotten or unwholesome or impure come forth from our mouths it requires that we don’t let any of that dwell in our hearts.
Instead of rottenness we should use our mouths to help others. While unwholesome speech grieves the Spirit, good speech gladdens Him. Notice what Paul says here, “but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Perhaps the most critical area for Christians to be concerned for others is in the way we talk. Here we have the principal applied again where we are to think of others before ourselves. First Corinthians 10:24 says, “Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.” Is the way we talk beneficial to others? Does it build them up? Does it meet their needs for spiritual growth or encouragement?
Our words matter because of God’s words. His words are perfect, flawless, and true. His word is holy and pure. He does not say anything that is not perfect, that is not right, that is not true or is not beneficial to us. “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful…” “Man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the Lord”. His words are our life.
Heated Tempers (v31)
Secondly, we can grieve the Holy Spirit when we have Heated Tempers. Notice verse 31, “………….” He said something similar in Colossians 3:8, “But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.”
Paul lists 6 different forms of anger; six fleshly fruits of anger.
First he says, bitterness. Bitterness is a long-term resentment. We might say that we are nursing a grudge. It is when we have an attitude where we are unwilling to be reconciled.
Then he says rage. Rage is translated also as wrath, and it means the flaring up of the temper. It is like a flame that comes from straw where it quickly flares up but then also quickly subsides. It’s when someone boils over or explodes or blows their top.
Thirdly he says anger. Anger is a word that describes the inner resentment we feel. It seethes and smolders. It is the feelings beneath the surface and therefore is more subtle, but more deep flowing. He’s grumpy.
Fourthly he says brawling. Brawling refers to the verbal fighting that can happen – shouting, yelling, outbursts of anger.
Fifthly he says slander. Slander comes from the Greek word blasphemia. The idea of blasphemia is that the words spoken hurt the reputation of another. It means to destroy or discredit another's good name by speaking evil against them. We want to make them look bad in the eyes of other people. Romans 12:10 says “honor one another above yourselves.” In other words, spend more time honoring others with your words than you do honoring yourself. “Let another praise you and not your own lips.” When the word is used to describe what man does to God it is called blasphemy. To blaspheme God under the law of Moses was very serious and resulted in stoning. When the word is used to describe what man does to man it is called slander. Slander is serious sin. It grieves the Spirit. It has no place in the life of Christians.
Lastly he says get rid of malice. Malice means to be mean spirited or to have a vicious attitude. It’s when someone wishes to see others hurt. When the doctor says cancer is benign he means it isn’t harmful. But when he says it is malignant, the cancer is harmful and destructive. We are not to be malignant Christians, and therefore we are to rid ourselves of malice.
Conclusion:
The Holy Spirit is a gift (Acts 1:4; 2:38). The Jews and Apostles marveled that the Gentiles were given the Holy Spirit just like they were (Acts 10:45; 11:17). If He is a gift, we should want to treat Him like a precious gift and not grieve Him.
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